Kathleen Tumpane invaded my home via Casual Living magazine. The article was so bad (“Dust Your Way to Good Feng Shui,” of all things) I had to see the Web site. And what did my wandering eyes find but a Five Element Personality test!

This test seems to be a rip-off of Dr. Randy Martin’s original checklist in Optimal Health. That test identified your health type.

See if you can stump the algorithm by selecting completely contradictory items from each category.

Tumpane studied with "lots" of people — Nancy SantoPietro, Denise Linn, Lillian Garnier Bridges, and RD Chin "to name a few," and she’s "certified" by Denise Linn and Lillian Garnier Bridges (not that these are glowing recommendations).

Notice that she charges as much as much as fellow crank Nancy SantoPietro — as much a good attorney does while in court. At least if your attorney does something screwball you can complain to the local Bar Association. No such luck here.

In some cases the advice that Tumpane gives is unethical and immoral.